I have a saying, “You can’t please everybody, so please nobody instead.” This quote was made in my old “toxic” days (pre-2006). Recently, I had undergone an awakening in that the old me actually stood for something and that I should go back to being the old me (without the toxic behaviors of putting everyone down and being a jerk, but still, some people view me that way no matter what I say or do).
You’re not going to make everyone happy. You’re not going to make everyone like you. Some people just straight out hate you for no reason and will never like you no matter what you say or do. Those are just sad (but true) facts of life. I do not hate or dislike anyone and I am not prejudiced against anyone until they give me a reason to do so.
For example, the Brett Kavanaugh Incident of September 2018 is a great reason why I chose to stop trying to maintain some sort of balance between groups of friends who disliked each other. I had posted a meme of then-Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh on Facebook, which sparked a firestorm that resulted in dozens of people messaging me about a group of people I have since cut any and all ties with (and to be frank, I’m not going to re-establish them even if they begged for forgiveness).
I was never going to please that group of people, so they all had to be cut off like a cancerous tumor that was sucking the life out of everyone and everything. They attempted to divide me from someone I deeply care about, which was the straw that broke the camel’s back. They didn’t even succeed in doing that. Since then, there have been zero incidents between friends of mine, and I intend to keep it that way.
(Fun fact: I picked zero fights with their friends compared to the multiple times I saw them pick fights with mine, and if the “losers” in the Brett Kavanaugh Incident are reading this, I’m not going to “grow” and “evolve” on your terms).
Unfortunately, this sort of thing has spread to my own family. My own family has always had it out for me despite claiming that they love me and care about me, but in reality this has become a sort of game where I have to please them just enough to get any sort of love and care from them, and then I become the bad guy all over again. I have always tried to break free from them, and part of me updating this website is to gain financial independence anyway.
This isn’t just a “me” problem but a social problem as well. We all try to live to please people and more often than not, we’re all pleasing the wrong people. Even if we’re pleasing the right people, we’re doing it for the wrong reasons. In my case, it happens to be members of my own family who believe that complaining about me to me is a way to have a healthy relationship. It shouldn’t have to be that way for anyone. So please nobody instead of trying to please everybody.
Jose Alvarez 